Kevin Leman: The New Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are
Kevin Huggins: Parenting Adolescents
This is a great read for parents of children of all ages.
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The banking industry, the auto industry, the housing industry -- it's no secret that these businesses have been hit hard by the current economic crisis.
Please click here to read entire article More Parents Face a Child Care Crisis.
Toddlers can be quirky about what-and how-they eat. But you can help them develop smart, healthy habits.
Please click this link Dining Dramas to read the entire article.
Article from Parents Magazine
Rex had been terrorizing the other 5th graders at school. The other kids were beginning to refuse to play anywhere near him during recess.
Rex's teacher was ofter convinced that he was behind most problems that happened when her back was turned. She explained it to his mother one day with, "I never see him cause a problem, but when there is one, he's the kid who knows all the details and looks more innocent than anyone else."
Finally the playground supervisor saw him punch one of the girls from behind, knocking her to the ground. However, when told about this, his mother refused to believe the story.
Her response was, "I asked Rex if he did it, and he said no. I have to believe my child."
Mom fell into a trap occupied by many parents who didn't realize that it is human nature to deny resonsibility. The best way to get anyone to lie is to ask, "Did you do that?"
What is the solution? Once you know something happened, don't ask your child if he/she did it. Do this instead:
"Rex. I know that you hit the girl. Here is what I'm going to do about it."
Rex will say, "But I didn't do it."
"I'm sorry, Rex. That's not what we are talking about. We are talking about what's going to happen."
Article by Jim Fay with the Love and Logic Institue, Inc.
Good penmanship is more than just a quaint skill. A new study shows that it's a key part of learning.
For most people, the written thank-you is your best bet for an expression of warm, heartfelt thanks. The last thing you want is for someone to be disappointed when her hand-knit scarf is acknowledged with a loud, animated e-card." So says the Emily Post Institute, founded in 1946 and still an authority on principles of politeness in today's digital age. And while, in the era of Gawker and YouTube, its earnest advice may seem old-fashioned and out of touch, it does raise the question: does handwriting have a practical use today, or is it just a relic of a bygone era when children listened to their elders? Certainly, notes written by hand have the retro appeal of, say, a gift of homemade apple butter, but apart from the odd scribble of gratitude or condolence, do we really need it?
Many educators say yes, for reasons having nothing to do with thank-you notes. Handwriting is important because research shows that when children are taught how to do it, they are also being taught how to learn and how to express themselves. A new study to be released this month by Vanderbilt University professor Steve Graham finds that a majority of primary-school teachers believe that students with fluent handwriting produced written assignments that were superior in quantity and quality and resulted in higher grades—aside from being easier to read. The College Board recognized this in 2005 when it added a handwritten essay to the SAT—an effort to reverse the de-emphasis on handwriting and composition that may be adversely affecting children's learning all the way through high school and beyond.
How much instruction do kids need in cursive writing? In the 1960s and 1970s, the Zaner-Bloser Co., which has been publishing penmanship curriculum since 1904, recommended 45 minutes a day. By the 1980s, it was suggesting just 15 minutes. Today the average is more like 10 minutes, according to Handwriting Without Tears, whose penmanship curriculum is used by 5,000 school districts around the country. "We haven't added more hours to the school day or the school year, yet we've added more content, and something had to give," says Dennis Williams, national product manager for handwriting at Zaner-Bloser. In Zaner-Bloser's 2005 national survey, a majority of primary-school teachers said they spent an hour or less on handwriting a week. And Graham's study found that only 12 percent of teachers had actually taken a course in how to teach it. And, he says, educators are noticing a significant decline in the quality of students' handwriting and an increase in the frequency of problems such as letter reversals. We've forgotten one of the first rules of pedagogy: mind your p's and q's.
All this matters, educators say, because evidence is growing that handwriting fluency is a fundamental building block of learning. Emily Knapton, director of program development at Handwriting Without Tears, believes that "when kids struggle with handwriting, it filters into all their academics. Spelling becomes a problem; math becomes a problem because they reverse their numbers. All of these subjects would be much easier for these kids to learn if handwriting was an automatic process." That concern, in part, prompted the addition of a written essay to the SAT, which is graded for content, though not legibility. "If you put something like a writing test on the SAT, children's skill level will begin to be addressed," says Ed Hardin, a senior content specialist at the College Board. The trickle-down effect to middle schools should eventually reach third grade, where the trouble so often begins.
No one is predicting, or even recommending, a return to the days when children obsessively practiced the curlicues on their Palmer Method capitals. Beauty seems to be less important than fluidity and speed. Graham's work, and others', has shown that from kindergarten through fourth grade, kids think and write at the same time. (Only later is mental composition divorced from the physical process of handwriting.) If they have to struggle to remember how to make their letters, their ability to express themselves will suffer. The motions have to be automatic, both for expressive writing and for another skill that students will need later in life, note-taking. "Measures of speed among elementary-school students are good predictors of the quality and quantity of their writing in middle school," says Stephen Peverly, a professor of psychology and education at Columbia University's Teachers College. "I don't care about legibility."
Predictions of handwriting's demise didn't begin with the computer; they date back to the introduction of the Remington typewriter in 1873. But for at least a generation, penmanship has seemed a quaint and, well … schoolmarmish subject to be emphasizing. Now, backed by new research, educators are trying to wedge it back into the curriculum. After all, no one has suggested that the invention of the calculator means we don't have to teach kids how to add, and spelling is still a prized skill in the era of spell check. If we stop teaching penmanship, it will not only hasten the dreaded day when brides acknowledge wedding gifts by e-mail; the bigger danger is, they'll be composed even more poorly than they already are.
Children take their cues from parents, so be calm when they fall
10:54 AM CDT on Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Afew weeks ago, my 10-year-old was playing tennis with a boy who swung, missed and fell flat on the court. I instinctively jumped up, my hand on my mouth. But before I said anything, I glanced at the boy's mother who was sitting next to me. She rolled her eyes. I sat down uncertainly and asked whether her son was OK. And just as I did, I noticed the boy look up at his mother as if seeking permission to cry. She smiled and shook her head no. The boy shrugged, brushed himself off and continued playing. Not only did he win the match, he won two succeeding matches. Hurt? Hardly. And this mom, who said to me as play resumed, "He's such a ham," knew exactly when her boy was trying to drum up sympathy for a pain that didn't exist. And I thought, "Wow, if that had been my son, would I have raced to the court to check on him?" Probably. And that got me wondering: Wouldn't that have been the right way to show that you care? Does sitting back send a message of indifference? In short, when should parents rush in with hugs and comfort, and when is it better to stand back and let the child pick himself up? It's better to wait and count to two and assess the situation calmly just as this mom did, advises Dr. Chris Dreiling, a Dallas pediatrician in private practice. "If a child sees a parent with a pronounced reaction to an injury or negative incident, they respond in kind," he says. "They will get scared, and it will exacerbate the situation into something more than it really is. But if the parent can keep their reaction calm, the next time it happens the child will know that he will be OK." And that's why he gives the mother at the tennis court an A-plus for not losing her cool. "She knows her kid. She knows he has a little bit of anxiety about things, and she's trying to teach him to be measured and calm. "She's communicating to him," Dr. Dreiling says, that "lots of people fall. She's teaching him that if he will be calm, he will be all right." It's important to teach kids to speak up about pain, as I learned recently from reporting about teen athletes with sports injuries. If there's a real problem, ignoring it can make it worse. (To read that story, go to dallasnews.com/healthyliving.) At the same time, a healthy childhood comes with scrapes. That's why Dr. Dreiling commends young patients who come in with bruises between their knees and ankles. "I tell them, 'You must be having a good summer. You're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing.' " As a father, he realizes this can be hard to process. "In a perfect world, nothing would ever happen to your child," he acknowledges. "One of the hardest things for parents to face is that kids are going to fall, and they're going to get hurt. When they are teenagers, they are going to make bad decisions that have consequences. The irony is that when you accept up front that they will, they tend to make fewer of those mistakes because they understand that you respect them and aren't trying to micromanage them." Dr. Dreiling often has to calm anxious parents who bring in youngsters with mysterious stomachaches. "My stock line for 3-year-olds saying 'My tummy hurts' 37 times a day is, 'Call me if their tummy aches ever stop them from doing things they want to do, as opposed to things you want them to do.' " It's one thing to talk, but Dr. Dreiling's 2-year-old son, Dashiell, also has made him walk the walk. Dashiell recently jumped off the bed with the idea that he would fall in a seated position, bounce up and land on his feet. That was the theory, anyway. What happened was that he tripped and fell on his face. It looked bad . "The first time he did it, I went, 'Uh-oh.' But then he picked himself up and ran around to do it again. And I realized, if he was hurt, he wouldn't have done that." After Dr. Dreiling realized Dashiell was having fun, he started to film his son as Dashiell clambered back onto the bed and did it again and again. He shows the tape to parents like me who worry too much. It cheers them up, he says. "They laugh and shake their heads and say, 'At least my kid doesn't do that!' " I have to agree. I think the next time I don't jump up and gasp when my son falls, he should send Dr. Dreiling a thank-you note. Pediatrician Chris Dreiling offers these tips for parents: Don't jump up and run at the first fall. Don't reward and give treats to a hurt child. "If it's a treat he likes, he may start exaggerating injuries." Don't tell her not to cry or say, "Don't be a baby." Do stop for two seconds and assess the situation. Do help if the child has a bigger cry than usual or doesn't pick himself up right away. Do consider how other children will treat your child if she acts fragile. Remember, if it hurts, to respect a child's right to cry. Remember, when your child feels better, encourage him to shake it off and go back to the activity. Following mom's cue
Not always easy
12:09 PM CDT on Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Before she closes her eyes at night, 8-month-old Ava Ruzza listens to mom read "Goodnight Moon." Soft music and prayers help settle Annelise Kelly, 11 months. Skipping or shortening these evening rituals can mean trouble, their moms say: for Ava, more wake-ups during the night; for Annelise, a tougher time winding down. The bedtime routine has always been "a peaceful way to end our day and something we both enjoyed," says Ava's mother, Leyna Hanan-Ruzza, of Brooklyn, N.Y. "But now I know it is a crucial part of her sleep pattern." She's right, say researchers and parenting experts: The tried-and-true techniques parents use to calm lively children before lights-out can work wonders on infants too. "Even the youngest baby will understand that when I have a bath and get into my pajamas and listen to these lullabies, I'm going to sleep," says Elizabeth Pantley, author of "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" (McGraw-Hill, 2002). "A routine moves them from one state to another." Babies who suck on books and don't understand stories may seem too young to benefit from many parts of a bedtime routine. But good sleep habits established in infancy are likely to carry over into childhood and beyond, says Jodi Mindell, author of "Sleeping Through the Night: How Infants, Toddlers, and Their Parents Can Get a Good Night's Sleep" (Collins, 2005). "We know without a doubt that just having a bedtime routine has a huge benefit on babies and on moms," says Mindell, professor of psychology at Saint Joseph's University and associate director of the Sleep Center at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. She led a 2005-06 study of 58 infants age 7 months to 18 months that suggested that babies who have consistent bedtime routines fall asleep faster, sleep for longer stretches and awaken less often at night. Mothers in the study, funded by Johnson & Johnson, followed a three-step routine with their little ones - a bath, a massage with baby lotion, and a quiet activity such as reading - for two weeks. In addition to better sleep for their babies, the moms reported a reduction in their own anxiety and fatigue. Carrie Kelly, of Colorado Springs, Colo., started a bedtime routine with newborn Annelise when they came home from the hospital. Quiet play ("not roughhousing," says mom), a bath and a massage precede story time, prayers and breastfeeding. "We try to just keep things low key, as low key as you can," Kelly says. When the routine is disrupted, Annelise may take 45 minutes, as opposed to the usual 15 or 20, to move from rocking chair to crib. A common mistake is starting the process when children already are overtired. They have a harder time falling asleep and staying asleep, Mindell says. Pantley suggests a bedtime between 6 p.m. and 8 p.m. for infants. The routine, she says, should begin about an hour before lights-out. Early bedtimes also give mom and dad a much-needed respite. "Parents need time to wind down and rejuvenate and get ready for another busy day running after an 18-month-old," Mindell says. Working parents often are tempted to keep babies up later so they can spend more time with them. Pantley suggests scheduling a morning playtime instead. Other keys to a consistent bedtime routine: •Choose three or four activities that you and your child enjoy, and do them in the same order each night. If your baby hates taking a bath, do that earlier in the day, Mindell says. •Turn off the TV. Reading is a far better choice for winding down, experts agree. •Center the routine in the bedroom, and create a calm atmosphere. Lights should be dim, and music soft and soothing. •Don't expect instant results. Some children will show improvement within a few days of starting a routine, while others will take longer. •Don't be discouraged by bumps in the road. Good sleep habits often fall apart when babies are teething or when they reach developmental milestones such as sitting, standing and walking, Mindell says. Parents should resist the urge to change the routine because of a few rough nights. "Consistency is going to win," she adds. •Think of bedtime as bonding time. "That 30 minutes that I spend between 7 and 7:30 reading stories and saying prayers and rocking, that is some of my favorite time of the day," Kelly says. "We just get to enjoy each other's company." Also Online
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