Cornerstone School Allen

Don't Be Alarmed

Your kids will have falls; keep your cool

Children take their cues from parents, so be calm when they fall

10:54 AM CDT on Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Nancy Churnin writes about family entertainment for The Dallas Morning News.

Afew weeks ago, my 10-year-old was playing tennis with a boy who swung, missed and fell flat on the court.

I instinctively jumped up, my hand on my mouth.

But before I said anything, I glanced at the boy's mother who was sitting next to me.

She rolled her eyes.

I sat down uncertainly and asked whether her son was OK.

And just as I did, I noticed the boy look up at his mother as if seeking permission to cry.

She smiled and shook her head no.

The boy shrugged, brushed himself off and continued playing. Not only did he win the match, he won two succeeding matches. Hurt? Hardly. And this mom, who said to me as play resumed, "He's such a ham," knew exactly when her boy was trying to drum up sympathy for a pain that didn't exist.

And I thought, "Wow, if that had been my son, would I have raced to the court to check on him?"

Probably.

And that got me wondering: Wouldn't that have been the right way to show that you care? Does sitting back send a message of indifference? In short, when should parents rush in with hugs and comfort, and when is it better to stand back and let the child pick himself up?

It's better to wait and count to two and assess the situation calmly just as this mom did, advises Dr. Chris Dreiling, a Dallas pediatrician in private practice.

Following mom's cue

"If a child sees a parent with a pronounced reaction to an injury or negative incident, they respond in kind," he says. "They will get scared, and it will exacerbate the situation into something more than it really is. But if the parent can keep their reaction calm, the next time it happens the child will know that he will be OK."

And that's why he gives the mother at the tennis court an A-plus for not losing her cool.

"She knows her kid. She knows he has a little bit of anxiety about things, and she's trying to teach him to be measured and calm.

"She's communicating to him," Dr. Dreiling says, that "lots of people fall. She's teaching him that if he will be calm, he will be all right."

It's important to teach kids to speak up about pain, as I learned recently from reporting about teen athletes with sports injuries. If there's a real problem, ignoring it can make it worse. (To read that story, go to dallasnews.com/healthyliving.)

At the same time, a healthy childhood comes with scrapes. That's why Dr. Dreiling commends young patients who come in with bruises between their knees and ankles.

"I tell them, 'You must be having a good summer. You're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing.' "

As a father, he realizes this can be hard to process.

"In a perfect world, nothing would ever happen to your child," he acknowledges. "One of the hardest things for parents to face is that kids are going to fall, and they're going to get hurt. When they are teenagers, they are going to make bad decisions that have consequences. The irony is that when you accept up front that they will, they tend to make fewer of those mistakes because they understand that you respect them and aren't trying to micromanage them."

Dr. Dreiling often has to calm anxious parents who bring in youngsters with mysterious stomachaches.

"My stock line for 3-year-olds saying 'My tummy hurts' 37 times a day is, 'Call me if their tummy aches ever stop them from doing things they want to do, as opposed to things you want them to do.' "

Not always easy

It's one thing to talk, but Dr. Dreiling's 2-year-old son, Dashiell, also has made him walk the walk.

Dashiell recently jumped off the bed with the idea that he would fall in a seated position, bounce up and land on his feet. That was the theory, anyway.

What happened was that he tripped and fell on his face. It looked bad .

"The first time he did it, I went, 'Uh-oh.' But then he picked himself up and ran around to do it again. And I realized, if he was hurt, he wouldn't have done that."

After Dr. Dreiling realized Dashiell was having fun, he started to film his son as Dashiell clambered back onto the bed and did it again and again.

He shows the tape to parents like me who worry too much.

It cheers them up, he says.

"They laugh and shake their heads and say, 'At least my kid doesn't do that!' "

I have to agree. I think the next time I don't jump up and gasp when my son falls, he should send Dr. Dreiling a thank-you note.

ADVICE FOR PARENTS

Pediatrician Chris Dreiling offers these tips for parents:

Don't jump up and run at the first fall.

Don't reward and give treats to a hurt child. "If it's a treat he likes, he may start exaggerating injuries."

Don't tell her not to cry or say, "Don't be a baby."

Do stop for two seconds and assess the situation.

Do help if the child has a bigger cry than usual or doesn't pick himself up right away.

Do consider how other children will treat your child if she acts fragile.

Remember, if it hurts, to respect a child's right to cry.

Remember, when your child feels better, encourage him to shake it off and go back to the activity.

Get kids to sleep with a soothing bedtime routine

Get kids to sleep with a soothing bedtime routine

12:09 PM CDT on Wednesday, September 19, 2007

By CHRISTINE ELLIOTT / Associated Press

Before she closes her eyes at night, 8-month-old Ava Ruzza listens to mom read "Goodnight Moon."

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Soft music and prayers help settle Annelise Kelly, 11 months.

Skipping or shortening these evening rituals can mean trouble, their moms say: for Ava, more wake-ups during the night; for Annelise, a tougher time winding down.

The bedtime routine has always been "a peaceful way to end our day and something we both enjoyed," says Ava's mother, Leyna Hanan-Ruzza, of Brooklyn, N.Y. "But now I know it is a crucial part of her sleep pattern."

She's right, say researchers and parenting experts: The tried-and-true techniques parents use to calm lively children before lights-out can work wonders on infants too.

"Even the youngest baby will understand that when I have a bath and get into my pajamas and listen to these lullabies, I'm going to sleep," says Elizabeth Pantley, author of "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" (McGraw-Hill, 2002). "A routine moves them from one state to another."

Babies who suck on books and don't understand stories may seem too young to benefit from many parts of a bedtime routine.

But good sleep habits established in infancy are likely to carry over into childhood and beyond, says Jodi Mindell, author of "Sleeping Through the Night: How Infants, Toddlers, and Their Parents Can Get a Good Night's Sleep" (Collins, 2005).

"We know without a doubt that just having a bedtime routine has a huge benefit on babies and on moms," says Mindell, professor of psychology at Saint Joseph's University and associate director of the Sleep Center at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.

She led a 2005-06 study of 58 infants age 7 months to 18 months that suggested that babies who have consistent bedtime routines fall asleep faster, sleep for longer stretches and awaken less often at night. Mothers in the study, funded by Johnson & Johnson, followed a three-step routine with their little ones - a bath, a massage with baby lotion, and a quiet activity such as reading - for two weeks. In addition to better sleep for their babies, the moms reported a reduction in their own anxiety and fatigue.

Carrie Kelly, of Colorado Springs, Colo., started a bedtime routine with newborn Annelise when they came home from the hospital. Quiet play ("not roughhousing," says mom), a bath and a massage precede story time, prayers and breastfeeding.

"We try to just keep things low key, as low key as you can," Kelly says.

When the routine is disrupted, Annelise may take 45 minutes, as opposed to the usual 15 or 20, to move from rocking chair to crib.

A common mistake is starting the process when children already are overtired. They have a harder time falling asleep and staying asleep, Mindell says.

Pantley suggests a bedtime between 6 p.m. and 8 p.m. for infants. The routine, she says, should begin about an hour before lights-out.

Early bedtimes also give mom and dad a much-needed respite. "Parents need time to wind down and rejuvenate and get ready for another busy day running after an 18-month-old," Mindell says.

Working parents often are tempted to keep babies up later so they can spend more time with them. Pantley suggests scheduling a morning playtime instead.

Other keys to a consistent bedtime routine:

•Choose three or four activities that you and your child enjoy, and do them in the same order each night. If your baby hates taking a bath, do that earlier in the day, Mindell says.

•Turn off the TV. Reading is a far better choice for winding down, experts agree.

•Center the routine in the bedroom, and create a calm atmosphere. Lights should be dim, and music soft and soothing.

•Don't expect instant results. Some children will show improvement within a few days of starting a routine, while others will take longer.

•Don't be discouraged by bumps in the road. Good sleep habits often fall apart when babies are teething or when they reach developmental milestones such as sitting, standing and walking, Mindell says. Parents should resist the urge to change the routine because of a few rough nights. "Consistency is going to win," she adds.

•Think of bedtime as bonding time. "That 30 minutes that I spend between 7 and 7:30 reading stories and saying prayers and rocking, that is some of my favorite time of the day," Kelly says. "We just get to enjoy each other's company."

So What Does Developmentally Appropriate Curriculum Look Like?

• Developmentally appropriate curriculum addresses all domains of child development: physical, cognitive, social, emotional, linguistic, and aesthetic.
• Curriculum takes into account the different cultures in the class, and it is intellectually stimulating – not too easy, and not too hard. Activities are personally meaningful to children.
• Activities build on what children already know and help them acquire new skills and concepts.
• Subject matter varies.
• Curriculum helps children build knowledge, not just practice what they already know.
• Children are active learners. They are not taught by lecture, but rather by experience. When a teacher presents a concept, the children are able to explore, experiment, and learn by doing!

• Curriculum takes into account the home culture of the children in the group. Very rarely is a class completely culturally homogenous. Teachers need to learn about the cultures that are represented, and integrate cultural activities into the curriculum. Help children become aware of different cultures and celebrate those differences!

• Curriculum goals are realistic. Most children within the group should be able to master the curricular content. Those that can’t should be given activities on their level.
• When available, technology is integrated into the curriculum.  Exposure to computers and how to use them prepares the children for the technological demands that will be placed on them.  Computer programs are available that can enhance the curricular concepts, and they are very enjoyable to the children.